I have come to realize recently that what children learn is sometimes very different from how they act or what they do. For those of you who don't know, I am mother to 8 children ages 21-6. I love them each and everyone ....but ( you knew that but was coming) they have all made me crazy with their actions in one way or another over the years. And I have wondered why they still do wrong when I have so clearly pointed out the right way to them and most of the time shown them by example. Sometimes the example is by me doing the right thing and sometimes it is from me making a poor choice and receiving the consequence.
Take as an example a hot iron. I myself remember clearly being cautioned by my Grandma as a child "Don't touch the iron . It is hot. " probably she added something like "Burny" to this advice as is her way. And I remember clearly touching the iron and realizing that it was very hot. Ouch!! I have seen all of my children do this same thing or a variation of it after receiving the same warning. Recently, I had the privilege of caring for my grand daughters. I had some napkins to iron and when I was done I admonished KayLynn " Don't touch the iron . It is hot.", whereupon she walked across the room and did the very thing. Well, so much for getting smarter through the generations.
Chores are another example I bring forth for your consideration. When I give any of my children a new chore I explain or an older wiser sibling explains how the chore is expected to be done. You know you have to have a standard. Inevitably after doing the chore right for maybe a week it then becomes sloppy. I then trot out the hated axiom "When you work , work with your might . Things half done are never done right." This too was a gift from my Grandma who used it so frequently that it plays on a loop in my head as I work. My variation on it is " When you work, work with your might . Things half done are done over again".
So, some days I wonder "What am I doing here? I should really get a different job! Maybe something with a paycheck and a vending machine." But what I am coming to see is that just because they do not always do what I have taught them does not mean they do not know. Can they get my voice out of their heads? Can you get your Mom's voice to stop playing when you least want it but maybe most need it? Occasionally, I hear one of my children say something or maybe do something I know I did or said and then I know that I am not speaking to hear myself talk. It is the long term experience of parenting that shows what you have done not an instant when you may doubt your ability. I am responsible for what I teach them not what they do with it. So, I think I will keep this job for awhile and remember this lesson when the day is difficult and I start dreaming of vacation pay and sick days.
Dianna
